Interracial dating when overseas is ONE thing—but how different is it for sisters in the States?
April 22, 2010
Sanaa Lathan's character Kenya "got her swirl on" in Los Angeles with cutie-pie Simon Baker's Brian in the 2006 film "Something New." But is there a different dynamic to interracial dating when in the States vs. when abroad?
One of the coolest things about engaging in the blogosphere is the chance to trade thoughts, ideas and experiences with fellow black female bloggers, those of us for whom international travel isn’t a luxury, but a mindset and a lifestyle. Since I launched UrbanTravelGirl back in December 2008 from my rented flat in the south of France, I’ve loved perusing other sisters’ blogs, finding commonalities in our unique, yet shared, overseas adventures.
We blog about keeping our hair hooked up in foreign countries; struggling to learn new languages; what it’s like “traveling while black” outside America. And of COURSE, we get into the “man thing.” Which leads to today’s thought.
I wrote recently about sisters “getting their swirl on” when traveling abroad, and have been fascinated by your thoughts (merci beaucoup for sharing!). One of my favorite and most thought-provoking fellow bloggers, American Black Chick in Europe recently wrote, “Why Am I in Europe?”, where she shared her reasons for studying and living on the continent (she first was in London, and now is in Toulouse, France). But some disgruntled reader, going off-topic and complaining about some of the “Hot Man Candy of the Week” photos she occasionally posts, said: “Yes, there are white guys in the USA. Would US black chick feel as free to lust after them or even date them in the USA? You will probably say yes, but we all know the racial dynamics of the USA.”
So American Black Chick decided to keep the conversation going, asking her readers to respond based on their own experiences (which obviously are as unique as the women having them). And since this IS a global community, I’ll ask you UrbanTravelGirls the same thing. DO you feel freer responding to, and dating interracially, when you leave the States? Or do you “free your mind” on the man front, even when in America?
Share your thoughts with American Black Chick and add to the dialogue.
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15 Comments Leave a Comment
1.
JessiJess | April 27, 2010 at 9:50 pm
I would love to meet a European man, and have read all the posts, but HOW with a language barrier?
I am 29 and am thinking about traveling Solo for the first time to Barcelona next month after the end of a 3 year relationship. Every year, a European trip was promised and every year, there was some new excuse lol…this year- there will be no excuses!! I am nervuos, and excited all at once. I have traveled solo in the states without a problem, but because there were not issues with the language- I was not intimated. But overseas is another ball game… Any pointers??
I wouldn’t mind catching some sun on the beach, having drinks, meeting locals, but HOW??
JessiJess
2.
urbantravelgirl | April 29, 2010 at 7:31 am
Ciao, JessiJess –
You’d be SURPRISED how easy it is to meet European men, regardless of the language barrier. So often, THEY speak some English, even if they don’t speak it super-fluently (remember, European schools actually care about making sure students can communicate in other languages). Besides, I’ve generally had them approach ME once they hear me struggling to speak their own languages, or once they find out I’m from the States.
And if you actually get to the point of a date? You’ll find mutual attraction is something that always translates, even when you aren’t fluent in each other’s languages.
When you go to Barca — or wherever you travel — ask at your hotel for suggestions of restaurants or safe bars where LOCALS go, not tourists. Check out cafes, which are always a good bet. Take a book with you. Since it’ll be in English, you’re likely to catch the eye of some cutie who wants to practice his English skills.
Believe me, being open and friendly is read universally. Just be yourself, have fun (be safe, of course), and let the world bring good things to you.
Be sure to check back in and let us know how the solo Barcelona trip goes — I’m so excited for you!!!
Maureen
3.
Carolyn van Es | May 1, 2010 at 2:24 am
Hi there Maureen,
this is such a relevant question, especially considering the hullabaloo in the States right now about the dating politics of successful, black women. Even before meeting and falling in love with my blond-haired, blue-eyed Dutch husband, I’d dated white men in America. Before I ever responded to the attentions of a white man, though, I had to deal with what I thought THEY THOUGHT about me as a black woman. I’d heard so much crap about them only wanting us for sex and they didn’t consider us marriage material. Once I got right with myself and recognized that I was good enough for ANY man, it was on! That attitude (not easy to come by) delivered a “higher quality” man – of various races. By higher quality, I mean mentality-wise not material-wise. Once again, what a relevant discussion to spark!
4.
urbantravelgirl | May 1, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Ciao, Carolyn!
You’re SO right — many times we sisters need to address the deep-seated issues we have about ourselves and our self-worth before we’re ready for ANY man. But that’s especially true when considering relationships with white guys (who, truth be told, need to deal with their OWN often-conflicted thoughts about black women and being in relationships with us).
But my hat’s off to any black woman who finds a good man of ANY color! Lord knows they’re worth their weight in gold. We need to give ourselves EVERY possible chance to find happiness, no matter what package it might come in!
Maureen
5.
Carolyn van Es | May 2, 2010 at 4:12 am
Amen, sista! We don’t have to settle; we do have to keep our options open.
6.
Balanced Melting Pot | June 6, 2010 at 9:49 am
I often wonder how relevant these issues will be in another 25 years. I look at my daughter (who is 7) and many other young people who could not understand the “big deal” behind Obama becoming president. I think it’s because they are growing up in a more diverse environment where we are different and so what. It’s a good thing – but I sometimes worry about her losing touch with her heritage. With all the biracial chidren being born, there has to be a point where seeing two people from different races together isn’t such a shock.
7.
Rose | June 20, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Hi Ladies,
I couldn’t agree with you more on all accounts.I will add that I find Europen men MORE open to dating black women than here in the USA, at least that has been my experience.I definitely keep my mind open and know that we are lovable ,desireable,worthy, beautiful, successful,intelligent black women. I salute all of you that have that open mind..
8.
Tia T. | June 24, 2010 at 11:39 pm
Well, I have yet to date overseas (haven’t been onto the European continent yet, but I fully intend to before the end of 2011
However, I would be more than willing to date a white man in the US. I briefly dated a very cute white guy from Texas, and I’m pretty sure the next man I date will not be black (I’m not anti-black men, but I am anti-ignorant, and ignorant black men are plentiful where I live.) I think I would feel a little less criticism if I dated overseas, simply because interracial dating featuring black women and non-black men is more common, but I feel free to date whomever I like, no matter where I am.
9.
Anita | June 28, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Hello, I don’t know if I’m a little late replying to this or not, but I’ll give it a try.
I’m making regular trips to Paris, France for family and have been for a couple months now. I’m only eighteen and since the traveling thing has only just started, at first I was so caught up into finding a french man who would want me back. Whether it wouldve been for a week or a year, I wanted to fall in love more than anything. With that in mind, along with my steady history of dating only white men (not entirely a preference, just coincedence) I didn’t believe that European men would find a black young woman that attractive when they have most if not all the gorgeous young “ideal” looking women, especially in France. I still kind of feel that way even now, this being my third trip here, and it’s daunted my determination. How should I handle it and mingle? Merci for any responses~
10.
UrbanTravelGirl | June 29, 2010 at 12:49 am
Mademoiselle Anita,
First off, ditch the notion that France has the most “ideal”-looking women. I’ve never met you, but I’m sure you’re a star yourself! Besides, nothing sells like confidence. If you believe you’re beautiful and carry yourself that way, in many cases some of the world’s finest male creatures will trip over themselves to say “bonjour” to you! As you’ve seen from many other women who’ve posted here, we’ve been approached by gorgeous guys of every hue on the rainbow and every nationality.
DON’T let American hype and those ridiculous videos make you think sisters aren’t desirable. That is SO not the case. I just think it’s unfortunate that more black women don’t hit the road and realize their beauty is in big demand — and respected and appreciated — outside the United States.
That said, just get out there and be open during your next trip to Paris. I’ve met men every single time I’ve gone there — and I haven’t traveled there just to meet someone. But self-confidence and poise is attractive and transcends race and national boundaries. Try THAT attitude next time you go and let us know if you’ve become a French “man magnet!”
Maureen
11.
Veronica | August 7, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Hi, I am an attractive 44 year old professional living in New Jersey. I see plenty of black men with white women, but not so much visa versa. Many white men stare at me, but are very slow to approach. I agree with all of you about eurpoean men, they stare at you and they let you see them look ot stare at you.They never look away. I think American white men are slow to approach because they feel they might be rejected. They should get their nerve up, and ask black women out for a date. If they never ask, they will never know what will happen…
12.
ExpatDee | October 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Hello. I love your blog thus far, and I know the rest is a treat yet to be savoured. I’ve travelled throughout Europe and a bit of Asia. I find myself receiving more inviting stares in Europe, even in Spain, where it’s rumoured that they’re huge racists. I’ve found quite the opposite. Of course that usually comes from people who’ve never been there, and have only heard things from well meaning friends.
I think I maybe in a unique situation. My goal is to live and work abroad. Spain, Argentina, Germany and Dubai are at the top of my list. I’m a 40 year old woman, who just ushered my incredible son into ‘adulthood’. It’s time for me now. What is dating life like for women in my age range? I’m currently rediscovering who I am, and what I like as I’ve been consumed with my child and getting him safely into young manhood. Any thoughts, tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
13.
Sharon | November 14, 2010 at 8:35 am
This is a very interesting, helpful website. Thanks urbantravelgirl for this forum. I’m an African American female in very conservative Texas. For most of my life I preferred Black men yet was curious about white men. When I moved to Texas, I started dating White men. Most people don’t know this but a lot of White men in Texas date outside of their race. They want a SPECIFIC type of Black girl. Very classy, educated, well spoken, understands their culture and background and above all very confident. But, you have to be a very small, curvy, tall type. They also like natural women and not a lot of the fake hair and nails. Then, there are those that break their neck to stare at you, but are obviously afraid to approach you. That is very irritating because I see them as too cowardly to after what they really want. I’m planning two trips to Europe next year. Paris/London in the Spring and a summer study in Spain. I’m very interested to see what European men are like, but I’m already guessing that they are pretty much like the men here in Texas.
14.
Robin | November 23, 2010 at 5:25 pm
Sharon, very interesting comment coming out of texas including all the comments are quite interesting But for me I have lost interest in dating american men. For myself I am in my mid forties, spent the last ten years attending to my mother’s needs until my mom passed away from suffering with a stroke. My life begins now again on my own with no husband or children and I have struggled financially to keep up and still have goals and dreams of a purposeful life, I would like to become a serious full time international oil painter/ possible writer for food, wine and travel magazines for employment to support myself in my painting career here in the states and eventually in europe when I move there but I am wondering if anyone knows that having a certificate in journalism is enough to begin a self employment career also I have not given up my dreams of getting married.
I would love to date european men and in fact I do meet many online who seem to be reluctant to date women in america because of the distance. I would very much like to relocate to europe especially london England but immigration laws there have made it very difficult to become a new citizen in the United Kingdom working as self employed unless you are already well established in your chosen profession as self employed before applying for that visa and entering the united kingdom to work. I have met someone on line and we both look forward to my coming to england. I am planning on going to europe for a visit but can’t seem to overcome the financial strain of living in a part of the country (upstate new york) where opportunities are scarce and lack of extra money for travel is killing all my plans for the future. my question is , since I already live in new york state should i move near new york city to seek better employment opportunities so that i can travel abroad or do i stay where I am and continue to struggle harder financially ? Any advice i would appreciate ladies
Thank you!
15.
G. C. | February 23, 2011 at 12:39 am
Hey there, what a wonderful (and intriguing) topic to post on! For the record, I’m not Black, I’m Indian, but sometimes get mistaken for being Black. Regardless, I think the minority dating scene in Paris has some uniformity regardless of specific ethnicity/race, and I agree with what you’ve said, it is EXTREMELY easy to meet European men abroad, above all in Paris. For better or worse, I’ve had better luck dating there than here! Whether it’s some form of exotification I don’t know, but the attention is mighty flattering. Can’t wait to go back to France!
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