Interracial dating when overseas is ONE thing—but how different is it for sisters in the States?

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Sanaa Lathan's character Kenya "got her swirl on" in Los Angeles with cutie-pie Simon Baker's Brian in the 2006 film "Something New." But is there a different dynamic to interracial dating when in the States vs. when abroad?
Sanaa Lathan's character Kenya "got her swirl on" in Los Angeles with cutie-pie Simon Baker's Brian in the 2006 film "Something New." But is there a different dynamic to interracial dating when in the States vs. when abroad?

One of the coolest things about engaging in the blogosphere is the chance to trade thoughts, ideas and experiences with fellow black female bloggers, those of us for whom international travel isn’t a luxury, but a mindset and a lifestyle. Since I launched UrbanTravelGirl back in December 2008 from my rented flat in the south of France, I’ve loved perusing other sisters’ blogs, finding commonalities in our unique, yet shared, overseas adventures.

We blog about keeping our hair hooked up in foreign countries; struggling to learn new languages; what it’s like “traveling while black” outside America. And of COURSE, we get into the “man thing.” Which leads to today’s thought. 

I wrote recently about sisters “getting their swirl on” when traveling abroad, and have been fascinated by your thoughts (merci beaucoup for sharing!). One of my favorite and most thought-provoking fellow bloggers, American Black Chick in Europe recently wrote, “Why Am I in Europe?”, where she shared her reasons for studying and living on the continent (she first was in London, and now is in Toulouse, France). But some disgruntled reader, going off-topic and complaining about some of the “Hot Man Candy of the Week” photos she occasionally posts, said: “Yes, there are white guys in the USA. Would US black chick feel as free to lust after them or even date them in the USA? You will probably say yes, but we all know the racial dynamics of the USA.”

So American Black Chick decided to keep the conversation going, asking her readers to respond based on their own experiences (which obviously are as unique as the women having them). And since this IS a global community, I’ll ask you UrbanTravelGirls the same thing. DO you feel freer responding to, and dating interracially, when you leave the States? Or do you “free your mind” on the man front, even when in America?

Share your thoughts with American Black Chick and add to the dialogue.

Black women “getting their swirl on” when traveling abroad—are you one of them?

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Just last week, I picked up a provocative new book: Don’t Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women from Dating Out (Gallery Books, $24.99) by Karyn Langhorne Folan. A sister who’s a Harvard Law School grad, former law professor and novelist, Folan plays off the unspoken admonition many of black women have received for generations. The author herself is married to a white American man, and in her book includes real-life anecdotes from black and white men and women as she explores the “notions” that keep interracial dating off the table for many sisters.

But what interested me most is her last chapter: “It’s the Same Story Around the World.” Here, she writes how “Traveling the world—and meeting men from other countries and cultures—can offer American black women a new view of themselves as desirable.” She shares the stories of sisters who’ve lived in Europe, who talk about the very different dynamics of interracial relationships on that continent versus in the States.

Many mention feeling attractive, desired, and appreciated FOR their blackness, rather than in spite of it. Some talk about feeling “freer” to be themselves, both personally and in relationships, when they are abroad. And, as Black Women in Europe blog and social network founder Adrianne George reports: “I want black women to know that, in the wider world, we are perceived as smart, hardworking and talented. In short, the world thinks you’re awesome.”

Imagine that!

Folan also writes about BlackGirlTravel.com, a tour company started by Southern California-based Fleacé Weaver that takes large groups of African-American women on trips to the French Riviera, Spain, Dubai, and beyond. Its signature tour is “Bella Italia,” which has for the past four years has taken “Bellas” (the female travelers) around Italy, where the ladies receive much love. (Which of us globetrotters hasn’t heard the line that Italian men LOVE black women?)

Says Weaver in Folan’s book: “Italian men are very affectionate, very aggressive. They love women of all nationalities and for black American women, it can be overwhelming. Black women aren’t used to the level of attention they get from the men in Italy. In a way, that’s kind of sad. But it’s also why the ladies have such a good time. It’s fun when 50 or so black American women descend on a popular club in Rome and find themselves to be quite literally the ‘bellas’ of the evening.”

I’ve written in this blog about a romantic encounter with a Frenchman in the South of France, being asked out by a young Italian after dining at his restaurant, and generally being treated as a fascinating creature by men of various backgrounds when traveling solo around the world. And of course, there are other tales. The point is, many times African-American women feel more love from men abroad than we get here at home. Perhaps guys in other countries and cultures see us as exotic and different; perhaps they’ve seen Hollywood films, heard rap songs and buy into stereotypes of black women as hypersexed and easy. Who knows? But many genuinely find us attractive—natural hair, mocha skin, and all. And what woman doesn’t want to feel adored and appreciated for who she is?

But at the end of the day, as Folan writes (and we all know), “regardless of race or nationality, all men are men.” Lord knows they ALL come with baggage and hang-ups and issues, as do we. Still, there’s something to be said for keeping our minds open when on the road. Folan wraps up her global chapter this way: “… For what we spend in shoes, we could have an experience that completely changes the way we see ourselves and what we know about the wide world. So start putting your shoe money aside, ladies, and go, woman, go!”

I’d love to hear about YOUR experiences. Do you find that when you travel abroad, you’re approached by men of different ethnic backgrounds? Are you more open to dating across cultures when you’re on the road than you are at home? And have your experiences with men of other races and national backgrounds shaped your perceptions about black women’s beauty and desirability? Do share!

Tips for sisters on ‘hooking up’ their hair when traveling abroad, Part Deux

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Here I am in my two-strand twists, visiting an archeological site in rural eastern Turkey near the Armenian border. My carefree hair made a culturally challenging trip way less stressful.
Here I am in my two-strand twists, visiting an archeological site in rural eastern Turkey near the Armenian border. My carefree hair made a culturally challenging trip way less stressful.
During a break from a wine-tasting tour, I'm standing in front of the Pont d'Avignon in the lovely Provencal town of Avignon. And this is me some days AFTER my stop to a black hair-care supply shop in Nice. Thank goodness black folks literally live everywhere!
During a break from a wine-tasting tour, I'm standing in front of the Pont d'Avignon in the lovely Provencal town of Avignon. And this is me some days AFTER my stop to a black hair-care supply shop in Nice. Thank goodness black folks literally live everywhere!

Late last month, I wrote about the “hair issues” we black women often face when traveling abroad—and promised to offer some tips about handling these when you’re overseas.

When I first traveled to Europe in the late 1990s, visiting a friend who worked on a U.S. Army base in Germany, I was doing the relaxed hair thing, toting multiple curling irons and assorted lotions and potions in my always-overstuffed suitcase. But once I started hitting the road with friends, all those curling irons became a royal pain. What a hassle to constantly be plugging in, moving irons from one room to the other, waiting for them to cool down before you could pack them, etc. And then there was always the issue of “what if it rains?” 

Now that I’ve been wearing two-strand twist extensions for most of the past five years, that’s no longer a concern. BUT, I have gotten overseas and much to my dismay, realized that I forgot to pack my favorite olive oil sheen or softening lotion. This, my friends, can be a challenge—especially since overseas trips tend to last for more than just a weekend. 

But if you find yourself in a city—especially in Europe—and have arrived sans products, I’ve discovered that black folks and Arabs (who frequently have similar hair textures as ours) often live near the city’s main train station. Perhaps it’s the “immigrant effect,” the fact that newer arrivals to a place often live close to the vehicles that bring them. So if these folks first arrive via train, inexpensive housing in the surrounding area might be their first stop.

When I lived in Florence, Italy, between 2004 and 2005, I (mercifully) found the Nigerian-owned barber shop/salon where I got my twist touch-ups done a couple streets away from the city’s Santa Maria Novella train station. (My young stylist Nina would hook up my twists, while her barber shop-owning brother took care of the African and Arab bros in the adjoining room.) I know that Africans live near Rome’s massive Termini station, as I once found myself strolling through the ‘hood in search of an Ethiopian eatery.

And when visiting the south of France last spring, I didn’t pack my Organic Root Stimulator olive oil sheen spray (as usual, my bag was too full and something had to give). But I figured that once I got to the more cosmopolitan town of Nice, surely I’d use my limited French to find some black folks and some hair spray. So after leaving the city’s main train station, I walked half a block to an Internet café with an Arab guy at the counter. Grateful he spoke some English, I asked, “Where can I find a salon for people with hair like this?” as I gently fingered my twists. OF COURSE, there was one right around the block—and hanging out nearby on street corners were African and Arab men,  just as brothers often do here in the States. It was like I’d never left the South Side of Chicago.

Not only did I find a salon owned by a kind African woman, but she directed me down the block to a black hair-care supply store where I found EVERYTHING I needed, and then some. I’ve made a mental note of the salon’s and store’s street so next time I’m in the south of France and need a hook-up, I am SO there.

Which leads to my next point: do some research BEFORE you leave home. You aren’t planning to find yourself in a massive rainstorm on your next trip, but what if it happens and you aren’t adept at wielding a flat iron and fixing your OWN ‘do? Might be wise to have the name and phone number of a salon in the place you’re going. Think of it like stashing just-in-case antibiotics or a first-aid kit. If you’re headed to Central Europe, EbonyPrague.com can take care of your hair. If you’re going to the UK (thankfully, with black folks galore), check out ItzCaribbean.com for a host of hair salons throughout the metro London area. And if you’re traveling elsewhere in the world, BlackGirlTravel.com, where founder Fleacé Weaver creates and leads customized tours for groups of African-American women to countries around the world, you’ll find salon listings from Amsterdam to Hong Kong to Dubai. Talk about hooking a sista up!

And just as our moms always told us to use a clean bathroom whenever we found one (since the next ones might be few and far-between), if you’re strolling down some foreign street and see a either a black/ethnic hair salon or barber shop, drop in and ask for a business card. You may not be planning to get your “hair did” in Madrid, but if your curling iron suddenly blows out or a downpour trashes your bob, you’ll be glad you know where to get your ‘do back on again. Think of it as “hair insurance.”

I’d love to hear YOUR tips—as well as about your overseas hair experiences and how you handle your tresses on the road. Feel free to share!

Traveling abroad through film often the next best thing to being there

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For me, there's truly NO PLACE like Paris. Its street life and energy is infectious -- and I got to travel there via the "big screen" earlier this week by catching "Paris" at a Chicago cinema.
For me, there's truly NO PLACE like Paris. Its street life and energy is infectious -- and I got to travel there via the "big screen" earlier this week by catching "Paris" at a Chicago cinema.
I love this statue, which stands majestically in Place de la Republique, one of the most famous and busiest squares in Paris. This 19th century statue stands as a monument to the history of the French Republic.
I love this statue, which stands majestically in Place de la République, one of the most famous and busiest squares in Paris. This 19th century statue stands as a monument to the history of the French Republic.

I’m not usually a big moviegoer, but I am a sucker for a good foreign-language film. Yes, I’m a bit of a snob – I feel a bit smarter sitting and watching some artsy independent film rather than, say, “The Transformers” (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you liked it!). But since I don’t get overseas nearly as often as I’d like, I figure forking over $10 or $11 for a two-hour onscreen journey into another culture is a fair price to pay.

Knowing how passionate I am about overseas travel, friends and colleagues constantly quiz me: “So where’s your next foreign trip? I know you’re on your way somewhere.” For the first time in a long time, I’m staying put—mostly because I’m out of vacation time and am forcing myself to stick to a serious budget (for reasons I will share in this blog before too long, I hope). But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to give up globetrotting. Instead, I’m doing it right here in Chicago—no passport, visas or trips to O’Hare International Airport required—and am traveling by way of the big screen. 

Just this week, I checked out “Paris,” a lovely, wonderfully written film starring Juliette Binoche that was shot—of course—in Paris, my absolute FAVORITE city in the entire world and the one place I’d happily live if told I could never go anywhere else for the rest of my life.

For me, this was two hours of latte-sipping bliss, watching the film’s characters stroll the city’s picturesque streets; hang out in its cafés, stand in its apartments and gaze down at the beautifully laid out streets below. The film showed the interconnectedness of a wide range of Parisians (and Africans across the sea), making clear that sometimes “real life” is more dramatic than anything we can imagine. Of course, the film made me long desperately for Paris, to buy some extra American Airlines frequent-flyer miles to top off my account so I can fly there later this year.

But in lieu of dashing off to O’Hare to catch a flight after the film, I treated myself—as I often do when I go to see a French-themed film—to an early dinner at La Creperie, a cozy bistro-like hideaway just across the street from the Landmark Century Centre Cinema. A favorite spot of mine that’s been owned for nearly 40 years by a French-American couple, it gives me a way to extend my would-be French experience for another hour or two, complete with a great glass of vin blanc and an incredible savory crepe of chicken, goat cheese and tomatoes.

No matter where you live, you can travel the globe without going far from home. If you don’t live in a big metropolis with great artsy movie houses like the previously mentioned Landmark Century Centre Cinema or Facets Multimedia on Chicago’s North Side, or the Gene Siskel Film Center in downtown Chicago, you can still rent foreign films from Netflix or Blockbuster, literally bringing the world to your door. (But if you DO live in the Windy City, the Chicago International Film Festival plays on through Oct. 22, allowing moviegoers to feast on films from Argentina to Kazakhstan to Uruguay and tons of places in-between.)

And that’s a whole lot cheaper than an airline ticket somewhere around the world, even if it’s not quite the same (or as much fun) as being there.

Some sisters never more at home than when traveling abroad

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Not that I didn’t already know this, but I’m always thrilled to hear about black women out there who, American or other passports in hand, eagerly take off for trips to places where we’re not always sure if there will be lots of other folks who look like “us “when we get there. But we go anyway, and often return home with fresh eyes.

Take American Black Chick in London. We met “virtually” through her fabulous blog of the same name, as she’s finishing up her M.A. dissertation in London this summer and looking for work that will extend her excellent European adventure. Not only do I love her fresh perspective on being a young African-American sister overseas, but admire her fearless spirit, especially when it comes to taking on the world on her own terms.

American Black Chick just got back from a two-week jaunt to Italy, Switzerland and Liechtenstein and dished a bit about the trip. Read about her “random musings,” and her answers to my questions about the “black chick” experience in these three very different countries.