Loving the ‘honeymoon phase’—getting settled in France

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The "center" of Samois-sur-Seine, a village of just more than 2,000 residents, is quite small. But it's charming, as I'm sure this curious beagle would agree!
The "center" of Samois-sur-Seine, a village of just more than 2,000 residents, is quite small. But it's charming, as I'm sure this curious beagle would agree!
Here's the Samois boulangerie where I go for fresh baguettes and delectable pastries. You'd be hard-pressed to find a French town without one ... people need their "daily bread!"
Here's the Samois boulangerie where I go for fresh baguettes and delectable pastries. You'd be hard-pressed to find a French town without one ... people need their "daily bread!"

When you decide to pull up stakes and leave your home country for a much different and far more challenging life on the other side of the world, you’ve already convinced yourself that the move will be a good one. So once you arrive at your destination and start settling into your new routine, you’re psyched. Every errand—whether to pick up a few items at the grocery store, drop off a sweater at the dry cleaners, or pop into the boulangerie for a crusty baguette—is loaded with the excitement of a 3rd grade field trip. (Remember how jazzed we used to get about THOSE?)

Such is the grande aventure of moving abroad. And I’m officially residing in the “honeymoon phase” of my journey, when everything is new and different and COOL.

I landed in France on Jan. 2, having departed Chicago on New Year’s Day (leaving on the 1st sounded apropos to me—what better day to launch one’s brand-new life?). Arriving in the lovely village of Samois-sur-Seine, where I’m living in a charming garden apartment with a view of the Seine River, I’ve begun the challenging task of figuring out just what the heck is going on. Fortunately, thanks to introductions from kind friends-of-my-new-friends and my new neighbors, I’ve already met a fascinating group of international folks—each with his or her own tale about how they landed in France and why they stay.

A few friends and neighbors are talented professional musicians, regularly performing at festivals and in clubs near Samois and on stages within Paris. Some are second- and third-career folks who’ve chosen to create businesses here. Others are housewives who are active in social and cultural organizations that make life richer for expatriates who call this place home. But they’ve all been willing to assist this stranger from Chicago, offering everything from coffee at their homes to assistance when I go to the daunting préfecture, or local police administrative office, where I’ve got to show up within two months of my arrival in order to receive my carte de séjour, or French resident card.

I’m guessing that after this foray into French bureaucracy in the coming weeks, my rose-colored-glasses phase will TRULY be over. This country, while loved for its many contributions to world culture, also is known for rules that seem designed only to confuse its people (not to mention foreigners like me!) and drive them insane.

But having done this move-abroad thing before, I know the honeymoon here in France won’t last. And that’s not me being my fatalistic self—it’s just the way it is. 

I remember how fabulous every single experience felt when I arrived in Florence, Italy, back in 2004. You’d have thought it was the first time I’d ever sipped a coffee, eaten a bowl of pasta, walked across a bridge, seen a museum, heard a note of classical music, experienced a kiss. Maybe it was the Renaissance vibe (or a delayed case of jet lag), but I couldn’t find fault with a single thing in bella Italia. But after a frustrating trip to the TIM mobile store—one that had me seriously doubting WHY in the world I moved to Italy in the first place—the I-love-everything-about-this-place jig was up. (Except that upon leaving said store, I bumped into a fine, Mercedes convertible-driving Florentine ragazzo who asked me out … so the “honeymoon” was back on!)

The reality is that no place is perfect—and adjusting to your new country, imperfections and all—is part of the experience of being an expatriate. You learn to take the good (I’ve already taken two train trips into Paris—one to watch a musician friend perform at a club, the other a daytime trip for lunch and a stroll through the Le Marais district) with the not-so-good (forgetting my français at the local Post Office, but managing to make myself understood, anyway). And you keep reminding yourself—as I did earlier this week when waiting at a quiet Samois bus stop, the peaceful Seine River just across the street—how crazy-fortunate you are to be living your life right now, right here.

And that makes the minor inconveniences TOTALLY worth it. 

Ahhh... La Poste and La Pharmacie, two staples of French life. I have yet to make a trip to the latter ... but I'm sure a linguistic adventure awaits!! (I'm NEVER without my trusty mini-French dictionary.)
Ahhh... La Poste and La Pharmacie, two staples of French life. I have yet to make a trip to the latter ... but I'm sure a linguistic adventure awaits!! (I'm NEVER without my trusty mini-French dictionary.)
I just LOVE this bridge, which crosses part of the Seine River here in Samois. And it's just across the street from my bus stop. What a peaceful view ... I'll never complain about waiting for the bus again!
I just LOVE this bridge, which crosses part of the Seine River here in Samois. And it's just across the street from my bus stop. What a peaceful view ... I'll never complain about waiting for the bus again!

Countdown to my French departure ….

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Ahhhh... now THIS lovely breakfast-on-the-balcony (at the charming Hotel Welcome in lovely Villefranche-sur-Mer) says France to me! I need to think of scenes like these when I start stressing and obsessing about my upcoming move.
Ahhhh... now THIS lovely breakfast-on-the-balcony (at the waterfront Hotel Welcome in lovely Villefranche-sur-Mer) says France to me! I need to think of scenes like these when I start stressing and obsessing about my upcoming move.

So I’m headed to France in a little over one week, and am alternately super-psyched, nervous, thrilled, stressed to the max, giddy with excitement, and worried. While part of me cannot WAIT to board that Iberia flight headed for Europe, my evil twin fears that I’ll spend all those trans-Atlantic hours obsessing about … STUFF.

Will my limited French-speaking skills make me feel (literally) like the “village idiot” when I get to Samois-sur-Seine, the picturesque place south of Paris where I’ll be living? Will I find enough freelance writing and consulting work to keep me challenged—but not so much that I end up overstretched and fall back into my workaholic ways? Will I finally meet a decent man who is what he claims to be—or will the language gap (and his sure-to-be-charming French ways and accent) make it that much tougher to figure it out?

When you decide to pull up stakes and move by yourself to the other side of the world, the tasks you need to handle before leaving home are LEGION. Everything from dealing with bank account transfers, long-stay French visa applications, endless doctor-dentist-optometrist visits, prescription orders, searching for international health insurance, laptop backups—not to mention the terribly stressful task of sorting, packing, and storing. What do I need to carry in the three suitcases I’ll take with me to France? What needs to be boxed up and shipped by the U.S. Post Office—and when? What needs to be banished to storage—and what do I need to get FROM storage and send overseas? It’s enough to make a chica lose her ever-lovin’ mind! (Usually, I just stop thinking about it and take a nap.)

I’ve even spent early Chicago mornings on Skype, calling black hairstylists at Parisian salons to find out if they can handle my hair while I’m in France. You UrbanTravelGirls KNOW there’s NO way a sister’s heading overseas without figuring out on the front end what she’s going to do with her ‘do!

If all this wasn’t enough, I needed to make an American Airlines “mileage run” out to San Francisco and back last Friday—all in one day. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed about 3,500 extra airline miles to maintain my elite status on American, which will be especially important next year when I’m traveling internationally—so I flew from Chicago O’Hare to San Fran Friday morning and less than two hours later jumped on a flight back home. I’m often rushing when I get to the airport and ALWAYS overpack, so I need the perks that come with being a “Gold” flyer—being able to check in at the always-shorter First and Business Class lines, to get on standby lists for earlier flights, to check bags for free. (Of course, it would be way easier to earn benefits without leaving the ground by racking up miles with something like an Aeroplan credit card that hooks you up with flight rewards, access to worldwide airline VIP lounges, and lets you sprint through priority check-in at airports. But that would be simple—and as you can tell, “simple” seems to be against my religion!)

I’m one of those strange people who actually ENJOYS moving—and I should, as I’ve lived all over the United States because of various newspaper reporting and corporate jobs. In the past, I’ve loved the process of researching where I’m going (it’s the journalist in me, I’m sure). Meeting new people. Starting a new routine. Discovering all the great things about my new surroundings. Maybe I’m getting older, but relocating is not nearly as easy-breezy as it used to feel. (Perhaps it just seemed way simpler because my corporate employers often were footing the bill for the entire move, complete with packing and unpacking all the stuff I transported back and forth across the country. Hmmm….)

But what I’m trying to remember—and take time for—during this hectic move-to-France process are PEOPLE. What I’m regretting is that I won’t have time to grab coffee, sit down over drinks, or relax over lunch or dinner with many of the folks that I’m truly going to miss during my time in Europe. Where I can, I’m trying to catch them at their offices—or even during workday coffee or smoking breaks—rather than miss seeing them at all. And with Christmas falling just before I leave—and many pals already heading home for the holidays—I’ll have to meet up with these travelers next year during my visits back home.

Before I moved to Florence, Italy, back in 2004, some of my good girlfriends threw a fabulous “Buon Viaggio” party for me at one’s downtown condo—and I got to say arrivederci to dozens of friends, colleagues and relatives at one time. But I didn’t want any such farewell for France (to me, it’s like I already had the big church wedding with the white gown … no sense in doing that twice!). So I’m hoping that when folks make their way to Paris or elsewhere in the French Republic, they’ll let me know in advance and we’ll get together on the other side of the pond instead.

Now THAT’S a rendezvous to get excited about!

ENFIN (FINALLY)!! France, HERE I COME!!

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I'm all smiles at this charming restaurant in Nice, France. I'm even MORE thrilled to be spending 2012 in this fabulous country!
I'm all smiles at this charming restaurant in Nice earlier this spring (I was in the south of France visiting a good friend in Villefranche-sur-Mer). I'm even MORE thrilled to be spending 2012 in this fabulous country!
I NEVER tire of seeing the amazing "La Tour Eiffel." This photo always reminds me how important it is to view life from different angles -- and that's EXACTLY what I plan to do in France next year.
I NEVER tire of seeing the amazing "La Tour Eiffel." This photo always reminds me how important it is to view life from different angles -- and that's EXACTLY what I plan to do in France next year.

Those of you who follow this blog know how much I love Europe—and that there’s a super-special place in my heart for France, where I’ve spent many incredible times over the past several years, from the north to the scenic south. FINALLY, I’m getting the chance to actually LIVE there … and I’ll be a mere 40-minute train ride from Paris, my favorite city anywhere in the world!!! The plan is to leave the States soon after Christmas and launch my “new life” in France—JUST in time to ring in the New Year!

Thanks to my very good friend Katherine (aka my “fairy godmother”)—and HER very good friend Hannah who lives near Samois-sur-Seine, a picturesque French village of about 2,000 people—I discovered this most magical place this fall. I’ve decided to take a “sabbatical” of sorts here, finally breaking away from the stress of super-long work hours and daily life here in the States. It is here in Samois-sur-Seine that French artists, writers and poets found sanctuary during the 19th century—and I am convinced that this beautiful setting, with its serenity and charming scenery, will provide endless creative inspiration and offer the perfect “home base” for my writing.  

Ironically enough, I’d already PLANNED to move abroad next year—and after a great visit to Panama City, Panama, with my dad this past spring, I’d decided that Central American metropolis would be my next stop. I’d begun readying my downtown Chicago condo for rental and had jumped back into the frame of mind essential for one planning to ditch the comfort of America for the particular challenges of expat life. But when the opportunity arose to move to Samois, I decided to say OUI! without hesitation, as I’m confident that it’s ALL happening in divine order. While I don’t know exactly WHAT will happen next year in France, I can’t wait to find out. That’s what adventure is all about, isn’t it?

I’m a TOTAL big-city girl, one who loves and thrives off the energy found in the Chicagos, New Yorks and Londons of the world. But I truly can’t wait to settle into this lovely and peaceful village south of Paris, where my living quarters will look out on a lovely garden. I’m not being facetious when I say I believe that this move will be a literal life-saver. I’ve dealt with many stress-related health issues over the years—most stemming from my Type A, workaholic lifestyle here in the States. Having the chance to FINALLY relax, to write, to meditate—not to mention to shop in French fresh markets and boulangeries year-round, and actually having time to COOK what I pick up at these civilized places—will do wonders for my emotional and physical state. I’m convinced that once I get there, I’ll wonder why I didn’t pull up stakes and head back overseas years ago.

I plan to make regular pilgrimages to Shakespeare and Company, a legendary bookstore across from Notre Dame on Paris' Left Bank.
I plan to make regular pilgrimages to Shakespeare and Company, a legendary bookstore across from Notre Dame on Paris' Left Bank.

As you UrbanTravelGirl readers know, this “expat thing” isn’t entirely new to me, as I spent nearly one year living and working as a freelance writer in Florence, Italy, from 2004-05. But thankfully, I’ve learned from the time I spent there—both the good AND the bad—and expect to translate the knowledge I acquired into an even more fruitful experience next year in France. And thanks to technological advances, it’ll be WAY cheaper and easier for me to keep in touch with friends and family and clients back in the States (there was no such thing as Skype during my Italy days, when I routinely spent more than $300 a month on Internet costs alone!). Thanks to excellent low-cost airlines in Europe, I’ll be able to affordably see more of the Continent, even on short trips.

Because I’ll be living in an authentic small village, I’m VERY much looking forward to speaking French every day (although my tutor will tell you I’ve got a long way to go!), eventually becoming a fluent speaker of a language that both fascinates and humbles me with its complexity, beauty and grace. And I’ll be living in a lovely riverside setting that will inspire my creativity. While I’m there, I plan to write about African-American women and their nearly 100-year history in France, beginning with the French embrace of entertainer Josephine Baker back in the 1920s. I’m hoping to share the diverse and fascinating stories of those who call France home today.

This majestic statue, named after the French Republic, is one of my favorites in Paris. It stands in Place de la République, near many of the apartments I've rented during stays in the City of Light.
This majestic statue, named after the French Republic, is one of my favorites in Paris. It stands in Place de la République, a square near many of the apartments I've rented during visits to the city.

I’m ALSO psyched because I’ll finally have time to blog more often—and I’m thrilled that you UrbanTravelGirls will be making the trek to France WITH me! I can’t wait to share musings on what it’s like being a single, 40-something African-American woman in France (and in Europe) during this time of intense global change. Since I’m a Travel and Food writer, I plan to hit the road when I can in search of great places and stories to share with readers back in North America. How are we Americans being perceived—and received—in countries around the globe? What do we as black women experience when we get out and about in this fascinating world of ours? I can’t wait to share it all with you in 2012 as I live out the mocha version of “Eat Pray Love,” “Under the Tuscan Sun,” or whatever other American-chick-moves-abroad-book-turned-flick you like best.

Here’s to a year of fabulous adventures for us all!

Let friends—and friends-of-friends—hook you up with other pals on your next overseas trip

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I met Tom Harrow (now the very successful "Wine Chap" in London) when we both were living in Florence, Italy, back in 2004. I'd met Tom through a Delta sorority sister and friend Paula who was living in London and met Tom through HER soror friend. It's a small world, after all!

I met Tom Harrow (now the very successful “Wine Chap” in London) when we both were living in Florence, Italy, back in 2004. I’d met Tom through Paula, a Delta Sigma Theta sorority sister and friend who was living in London — and Paula met Tom through HER soror friend. It’s a small world, after all!

 

¡Hola, salut et ciao, UrbanTravelGirls!!! Lo siento, je suis desolé, et mi dispiace–in short, my apologies for having gone off the grid for awhile. My freelance consulting and writing has kept me très busy the past several months, but I promise that I’m back, ready to inspire my chicas to experience the world and let it experience THEM!!

Since I last wrote, I’ve had incredible experiences in Panama City, Panama, and am counting on loads more of overseas trips in the near future. (More on that later!) But I’ve also been living vicariously through the adventures some of YOU ladies have been having this summer… which leads me to this post. None of us is an island—and neither should we be, even when we love hitting the road solo (as you know I do). It’s one thing to visit a city or country on your own, but quite refreshing to see it through the eyes of those who live there. And even if you don’t happen to know anyone in Amsterdam or Hong Kong or Cape Town, chances are someone that you know DOES. That’s why it’s a great idea to find out in advance if folks you know have any local connections in the place you’re heading.

I always do this when traveling abroad (and try to make it a habit here in the States, too). Meeting people who live where you’re visiting widens your perspective—and gives you a local’s view of life in your chosen vacation spot. I recently did the girlfriend hook-up for two African-American chicas headed to Europe—both on first-time solo visits to Rome and London, respectively.

Renee, one of my faithful UrbanTravelGirl readers, wrote me months ago telling me she was making her first trip to bella Italia—and that she was rolling solo—and asked if I could give her the names of some local connections. I e-mailed two of my favorite and friendliest Italian bellas, Monica and Filly, who were only TOO happy to meet Renee for meals and hang out with her during her time in the Eternal City. Truth be told, I was jealous I COULDN’T be there – it sounds like they had a ball, hit it off, and hopefully will see each other when the Italian ladies next visit the United States!

And just this month, I did e-introductions between my Chicago sistagirl Carol and two friends-of-friends in London. Carol was making her first trip to the UK—and she was hesitant about doing it alone. So why not connect her to a couple of fabulous African-American expat women who are thriving big-time in London? Thanks to the graciousness of friends far, far away who were willing to share their precious weekend with a visitor they’d never met, these three ladies met for brunch at a delicious spot not far from Carol’s Kensington hotel.

I like to think one reason I’m here on earth is that I’m truly passionate about connecting people, whether it’s for jobs, for relationships—or during travel. Folks have graciously done this for me for years; now I enjoy paying it forward.

I recommend this friend hook-up whether you’re traveling alone, with family or friends, or your significant other. These “appointments” with friends of your friends add purpose and structure to your vacation days, which often can get bogged down with endless museum and monument visits. And when arranging our meet-ups, I always ask these friends-once-removed to suggest a meeting place that’s a favorite of THEIRS. You then get introduced to cool, where-the-locals-go eateries and bars in different parts of town—places that you wouldn’t likely stumble upon on your own.

As I wrote in a Today’s Chicago Woman Magazine/”TCW Travel Connection” blog post awhile ago,  I’ve found that often these friends-of-friends end up becoming great pals of mine along the way. When heading to Italy several years ago, a former Chicago journalist friend told me about Kelly Carter, another African-American female journalist who was living there. We connected in Positano, where she then lived, and have become great friends since. (She’s writing a memoir, Bellini for One, about her glorious two years living in Italy.) Kelly introduced me to her friend Stacie, a fashionista living in Florence—where I’d recently moved—and we developed a real friendship on our own. And the links in the chain keep strengthening.

I first met my now-good friend Kelly Carter (right front) in Italy back in Fall 2004 after an introduction from a mutual Chicago journalist friend. Here we were (each of us with a mutual friend) having drinks at a beachfront restaurant in scenic Positano, where Kelly then lived.
I first met my now-good friend Kelly Carter (right front) in Italy back in Fall 2004 after an introduction from a mutual Chicago journalist friend. Here we were (each of us with a mutual friend) having drinks at a beachfront restaurant in scenic Positano, where Kelly then lived.

During a solo trip Rome this past March, Kelly sent out some e-mails to friends of hers living in the Eternal City, who agreed as a group to meet me for drinks one night. What a wonderful treat!! Not only did I get together with an inspiring group of Rome-based American expats, but Kelly also hooked me up Arlene Gibbs, with another friend-of-a-friend who turned out to be the screenplay writer for “Jumping the Broom,” the charming African-American comedy that swept U.S. theaters this spring.

When I visited Mexico City last summer for work, a priest friend from my downtown Chicago church made sure to connect me to a wonderful young friend of his in this massive metropolis of nearly 20 million people. The super-friendly Renato (a passionate traveler himself) met me one Saturday morning, took me on a tour of the capital city, and shared his insights about life here—and even invited his sister to meet us for lunch. So here in a metro area of more than 20 million people, a wonderful afternoon encounter with two of those people made Mexico City delightfully human!

These encounters not only enrich the time you spend “on holiday,” but often expose you to ideas and ways of thinking you’d NEVER discover at home. Because the folks you meet have already been vetted by someone you know, you’ve already got something in common, even if your day-to-day lives and experiences are completely different. I don’t know about you, but who WOULDN’T want to claim friends in different corners of the world? I certainly do. And like the old adage goes, “Make new friends/but keep the old/one is silver/and the other gold.” All of them are real treasures.

Turn vacation time into ‘figure-out-your-life’ time

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Ahhhh... "Beachfront Bliss," indeed! Here's the view from the Riviera Experience flat I stayed in during my recent solo trip to the South of France. Don't I wish I could sit here forever and contemplate life....
Ahhhh... "Beachfront Bliss," indeed! Here's the view from the Riviera Experience flat I stayed in during my recent solo trip to the South of France. Don't I wish I could sit here forever and contemplate life....

I like to think of vacations—especially those that take me abroad—as more than a chance to check out museums, sleep late, and struggle through whatever language is spoken in the country I’ve chosen to visit. Rather, I see them as fundamental to helping me work through “life issues” I’m wrestling with at the time.

I like to spend the hours on long overseas flights—whether to South America, someplace in Europe, or beyond—in the company of my trusty, well-worn journals. I absolutely cherish the time spent hurtling through the sky at hundreds of miles an hour. FINALLY—I’m not under pressure to immediately return e-mails or answer a mobile phone call I’d rather not take, anyway. So instead of mindlessly wasting time on some second-rate film, I pontificate. About WHO I want to be when I grow up. WHERE I want to be. And WHAT I want to do when I get there.

Then, once I arrive at my destination, I make it a point to spend at least SOME of my “holiday time” contemplating ME. And I like to do this in beautiful places. I know some folks think that the ambience of a hotel room or other lodging isn’t that big a deal, claiming that all you really need is a bed for sleep. I totally disagree, as surrounding myself with comfortable, aesthetically pleasing spaces boosts my creativity. And I like to visit locales that do the same. Take my recent solo trip to the south of France.

Thanks to the generosity of a vacation rental apartment-owning friend in the French Riviera town of Villefranche-sur-Mer, I spent several days in “Beachfront Bliss,” a gorgeous studio flat my friend Shelley calls “the ultimate beach pad.” With a seven-foot-wide window that sits RIGHT on the picturesque Bay of Villefranche—and that “disappears” into the wall, making you feel as if you’re sitting on the edge of the sea—it’s the PERFECT spot for contemplation. When I wasn’t working on freelance assignments from back home, I’d sit and happily stare out the window, a glass of chilled rosé in my hand, and THINK. I’d look at the gorgeous sailboats moored in the bay, wishing some dashing Frenchman would see me perched in the window and invite me out for a sail. (Of course, as someone who can barely swim, I’d probably need to take a boat safety course before I accepted such an invitation, no matter how fine the homme was!)

There’s something about water that’s restorative, something soothing that seems to inspire reflection and regeneration, no matter where you find it. That’s why after leaving the gorgeous Riviera Experience apartment, I reserved a waterfront room down the quay at the idyllic Hotel Welcome in Villefranche. I savored an early-morning breakfast, complete with flaky croissants and coffee served with warm milk, on my fifth-floor balcony while staring out at the blue sea and pondering my next life moves.

Talk about a treat -- an early-morning breakfast on the waterfront balcony at Villefranche's Hotel Welcome. Nothing like a view of the Mediterranean Sea to help put life in perspective!
Talk about a treat -- an early-morning breakfast on the waterfront balcony at Villefranche's Hotel Welcome. Nothing like a view of the Mediterranean Sea to help put life in perspective!

Watching tenders ferry day trippers from the massive cruise ships that dock in the deep waters of the Bay, I reminisced about my OWN visit to this port city with my mom Gloria just a couple years ago. And wow, has my life experienced wild changes since then—some due in large part to my desire to see the world. Believe me, there are some more big ones on the horizon! You UrbanTravelGirl readers will hear about them in due time.

But tell me—where have you gone (or DO you go) to rediscover yourself, your dreams, your desires? And do you find it easier to do this when you’re far away from home? Do share!