Black women “getting their swirl on” when traveling abroad—are you one of them?

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Just last week, I picked up a provocative new book: Don’t Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women from Dating Out (Gallery Books, $24.99) by Karyn Langhorne Folan. A sister who’s a Harvard Law School grad, former law professor and novelist, Folan plays off the unspoken admonition many of black women have received for generations. The author herself is married to a white American man, and in her book includes real-life anecdotes from black and white men and women as she explores the “notions” that keep interracial dating off the table for many sisters.

But what interested me most is her last chapter: “It’s the Same Story Around the World.” Here, she writes how “Traveling the world—and meeting men from other countries and cultures—can offer American black women a new view of themselves as desirable.” She shares the stories of sisters who’ve lived in Europe, who talk about the very different dynamics of interracial relationships on that continent versus in the States.

Many mention feeling attractive, desired, and appreciated FOR their blackness, rather than in spite of it. Some talk about feeling “freer” to be themselves, both personally and in relationships, when they are abroad. And, as Black Women in Europe blog and social network founder Adrianne George reports: “I want black women to know that, in the wider world, we are perceived as smart, hardworking and talented. In short, the world thinks you’re awesome.”

Imagine that!

Folan also writes about BlackGirlTravel.com, a tour company started by Southern California-based Fleacé Weaver that takes large groups of African-American women on trips to the French Riviera, Spain, Dubai, and beyond. Its signature tour is “Bella Italia,” which has for the past four years has taken “Bellas” (the female travelers) around Italy, where the ladies receive much love. (Which of us globetrotters hasn’t heard the line that Italian men LOVE black women?)

Says Weaver in Folan’s book: “Italian men are very affectionate, very aggressive. They love women of all nationalities and for black American women, it can be overwhelming. Black women aren’t used to the level of attention they get from the men in Italy. In a way, that’s kind of sad. But it’s also why the ladies have such a good time. It’s fun when 50 or so black American women descend on a popular club in Rome and find themselves to be quite literally the ‘bellas’ of the evening.”

I’ve written in this blog about a romantic encounter with a Frenchman in the South of France, being asked out by a young Italian after dining at his restaurant, and generally being treated as a fascinating creature by men of various backgrounds when traveling solo around the world. And of course, there are other tales. The point is, many times African-American women feel more love from men abroad than we get here at home. Perhaps guys in other countries and cultures see us as exotic and different; perhaps they’ve seen Hollywood films, heard rap songs and buy into stereotypes of black women as hypersexed and easy. Who knows? But many genuinely find us attractive—natural hair, mocha skin, and all. And what woman doesn’t want to feel adored and appreciated for who she is?

But at the end of the day, as Folan writes (and we all know), “regardless of race or nationality, all men are men.” Lord knows they ALL come with baggage and hang-ups and issues, as do we. Still, there’s something to be said for keeping our minds open when on the road. Folan wraps up her global chapter this way: “… For what we spend in shoes, we could have an experience that completely changes the way we see ourselves and what we know about the wide world. So start putting your shoe money aside, ladies, and go, woman, go!”

I’d love to hear about YOUR experiences. Do you find that when you travel abroad, you’re approached by men of different ethnic backgrounds? Are you more open to dating across cultures when you’re on the road than you are at home? And have your experiences with men of other races and national backgrounds shaped your perceptions about black women’s beauty and desirability? Do share!

Black women need to experience the world—and let it experience THEM right back

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Me, during my brief February business-and-pleasure trip to London. But on trips like these -- unless I've made prior plans to meet up with African-American expatriate friends or am traveling WITH black folks, I almost NEVER run into black Americans when I'm overseas. But it sure would be nice!
Me, during my brief February business-and-pleasure trip to London. But on trips like these -- unless I've made prior plans to meet up with African-American expatriate friends or am traveling WITH black folks, I almost NEVER run into black Americans when I'm overseas. But it sure would be nice!

It amazes me that in 2010, there are folks out there asking whether black folks travel. There’s still a perception out there that we don’t—which is why I’m thrilled that earlier this month, Jay of JayTravels.net wrote a blog post on “Do African Americans Travel?”  But rather than ranting against the naysayers and tossing out figures about how much we spend, Jay shares excellent and thoughtful reasons of why we SHOULD hit the road and travel the globe (“gaining a better understanding of the world and how it affects your life locally;” “the more you travel, the more you realize issues between nations are rarely the will of the ‘people’”).

The discussion always fascinates me. In fact, the reason I launched this blog in the middle of a winter night in December 2008—during my 40th birthday getaway to the south of France, in fact—was to encourage African-American women to get out there and experience the world. And in fact, to let the world experience THEM. We sisters have a LOT more to offer to global culture than the rump-shaking hip-hop video vixens would have people believe. We’re smart, strong, independent, confident—and fascinating creatures in the eyes of many of the world’s diverse peoples.

Unfortunately, American-generated stereotypes often do us no good, here OR abroad. And that’s why we need to get out there as talking and walking ambassadors (whether strutting in four-inch stilettos or scooting around in sneakers) in countries other than our own.

I recently returned from a weeklong stay in London and Paris, but when I’m abroad, I just don’t run into lots of African-American travelers—male OR female. And of all the trips I’ve made in Italy—including the seven months I lived in Florence—I’ve almost never bumped into black folks from the States (who weren’t there to visit ME or traveling with me, that is). And it’s been a huge event and lovefest when I have. It’s not that we don’t have the cash to travel overseas (have you seen the way we roll in Vegas and the Caribbean?); it’s that many times we wonder how we as black people will be received and treated, or if we’ll be the “only one.” We often talk ourselves out of going before we truly consider the idea.

But you know, life itself is a crap shoot. Just leaving the house presents potential challenges and trials—especially if you live in a big American city. So why are we scared of London and Dakar, Buenos Aires or Berlin? As Jay writes, “the world is a beautiful, ugly, exciting, relaxing, sensual, dangerous and wonderful place.” Why not forgo fear and meet the world on its OWN terms, enhancing your own personal growth in the process?

As I’ve shared on this blog, my global travels have made me the person I am, for better or worse. And in the words of the Maya Angelou tome and the gospel song, I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.

How do YOU handle potential romance on the road (just in time for Valentine’s Day)?

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Talk about a film celebrating "romance on the road." "Before Sunset" explores the reconnection of one-time lovers Jesse (an American) and Celine (a Parisian), nine years after their initial rendezvous in Vienna. This 2004 film might convince even skeptics about the possibility of finding true love on the other side of the world.
Talk about a film celebrating "romance on the road." "Before Sunset" explores the reconnection of one-time lovers Jesse (an American) and Celine (a Parisian) in the City of Light, nine years after their initial rendezvous in Vienna. This 2004 film might convince even skeptics about the possibility of finding true love on the other side of the world.

If there’s anything we single girls know, it’s that hitting the road brings with it the potential of new romance. And that’s the case whether we roll solo or with a group of our favorite girlfriends. That often was true for me, as my lackluster love life tended to perk up exponentially once I left the Chicago city limits. Perhaps we’re less inhibited and more open to adventure when we travel; maybe the old adage that “familiarity breeds contempt” makes men in other places more tempting than those we encounter at home. 

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, I delve the issue of “romance on the road” in “,” the blog I write for Today’s Chicago Woman magazine on ChicagoNow.com.

At the end of my TCW post, I ask: what’s the most romantic thing you’ve encountered during your travels? Did it involve a handsome stranger? A reconnection during a trip with “the one who got away?” Holler back at me!

Tips for sisters on ‘hooking up’ their hair when traveling abroad, Part Deux

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Here I am in my two-strand twists, visiting an archeological site in rural eastern Turkey near the Armenian border. My carefree hair made a culturally challenging trip way less stressful.
Here I am in my two-strand twists, visiting an archeological site in rural eastern Turkey near the Armenian border. My carefree hair made a culturally challenging trip way less stressful.
During a break from a wine-tasting tour, I'm standing in front of the Pont d'Avignon in the lovely Provencal town of Avignon. And this is me some days AFTER my stop to a black hair-care supply shop in Nice. Thank goodness black folks literally live everywhere!
During a break from a wine-tasting tour, I'm standing in front of the Pont d'Avignon in the lovely Provencal town of Avignon. And this is me some days AFTER my stop to a black hair-care supply shop in Nice. Thank goodness black folks literally live everywhere!

Late last month, I wrote about the “hair issues” we black women often face when traveling abroad—and promised to offer some tips about handling these when you’re overseas.

When I first traveled to Europe in the late 1990s, visiting a friend who worked on a U.S. Army base in Germany, I was doing the relaxed hair thing, toting multiple curling irons and assorted lotions and potions in my always-overstuffed suitcase. But once I started hitting the road with friends, all those curling irons became a royal pain. What a hassle to constantly be plugging in, moving irons from one room to the other, waiting for them to cool down before you could pack them, etc. And then there was always the issue of “what if it rains?” 

Now that I’ve been wearing two-strand twist extensions for most of the past five years, that’s no longer a concern. BUT, I have gotten overseas and much to my dismay, realized that I forgot to pack my favorite olive oil sheen or softening lotion. This, my friends, can be a challenge—especially since overseas trips tend to last for more than just a weekend. 

But if you find yourself in a city—especially in Europe—and have arrived sans products, I’ve discovered that black folks and Arabs (who frequently have similar hair textures as ours) often live near the city’s main train station. Perhaps it’s the “immigrant effect,” the fact that newer arrivals to a place often live close to the vehicles that bring them. So if these folks first arrive via train, inexpensive housing in the surrounding area might be their first stop.

When I lived in Florence, Italy, between 2004 and 2005, I (mercifully) found the Nigerian-owned barber shop/salon where I got my twist touch-ups done a couple streets away from the city’s Santa Maria Novella train station. (My young stylist Nina would hook up my twists, while her barber shop-owning brother took care of the African and Arab bros in the adjoining room.) I know that Africans live near Rome’s massive Termini station, as I once found myself strolling through the ‘hood in search of an Ethiopian eatery.

And when visiting the south of France last spring, I didn’t pack my Organic Root Stimulator olive oil sheen spray (as usual, my bag was too full and something had to give). But I figured that once I got to the more cosmopolitan town of Nice, surely I’d use my limited French to find some black folks and some hair spray. So after leaving the city’s main train station, I walked half a block to an Internet café with an Arab guy at the counter. Grateful he spoke some English, I asked, “Where can I find a salon for people with hair like this?” as I gently fingered my twists. OF COURSE, there was one right around the block—and hanging out nearby on street corners were African and Arab men,  just as brothers often do here in the States. It was like I’d never left the South Side of Chicago.

Not only did I find a salon owned by a kind African woman, but she directed me down the block to a black hair-care supply store where I found EVERYTHING I needed, and then some. I’ve made a mental note of the salon’s and store’s street so next time I’m in the south of France and need a hook-up, I am SO there.

Which leads to my next point: do some research BEFORE you leave home. You aren’t planning to find yourself in a massive rainstorm on your next trip, but what if it happens and you aren’t adept at wielding a flat iron and fixing your OWN ‘do? Might be wise to have the name and phone number of a salon in the place you’re going. Think of it like stashing just-in-case antibiotics or a first-aid kit. If you’re headed to Central Europe, EbonyPrague.com can take care of your hair. If you’re going to the UK (thankfully, with black folks galore), check out ItzCaribbean.com for a host of hair salons throughout the metro London area. And if you’re traveling elsewhere in the world, BlackGirlTravel.com, where founder Fleacé Weaver creates and leads customized tours for groups of African-American women to countries around the world, you’ll find salon listings from Amsterdam to Hong Kong to Dubai. Talk about hooking a sista up!

And just as our moms always told us to use a clean bathroom whenever we found one (since the next ones might be few and far-between), if you’re strolling down some foreign street and see a either a black/ethnic hair salon or barber shop, drop in and ask for a business card. You may not be planning to get your “hair did” in Madrid, but if your curling iron suddenly blows out or a downpour trashes your bob, you’ll be glad you know where to get your ‘do back on again. Think of it as “hair insurance.”

I’d love to hear YOUR tips—as well as about your overseas hair experiences and how you handle your tresses on the road. Feel free to share!

Let travel take you outside your comfort zone

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I promise I’m going to write about “Black Chicas and Hair, Part Deux,”  but I thought a post I included on my other travel blog, “” for Today’s Chicago Woman magazine would make a good introduction to 2010. For the past couple days, I’ve been reflecting and ruminating on the year that was (and thankfully is now OVER) and the year I’m hoping to have. And one thing I’ve promised myself is that I’ll consciously take risks. That I’ll make decisions that are scary but that offer huge long-term potential. And that I’ll remember this one life is NOT a dress rehearsal, and that none of us get a “do-over.”

Maybe part of it has to do with arriving in my 40s (God willing, I’ll turn 41 in a few days) and the realization that life is short. And that I don’t want to look back as an old woman with a list of “woulda-coulda-shouldas.” Hopefully you don’t want to do that, either.

So take a look at this post on letting travel take you outside your “comfort zone,” whatever that is for you. Here’s wishing you a year full of great trips and adventures – I’m looking forward to sharing them with you. And Happy New Year!